Real water bed for you.....
Especially for Beate
http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0
A Joke for Today
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biggins
- Se7en
- Posts: 2252
- Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 3:20 pm
- Old post count: 66
- Preferred Cinemas: Any in Edinburgh
- Location: Edinburgh -66 posts on old site
Re: A Joke for Today
Happy Halloween
Halloween is coming!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Halloween is coming!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Member No. 23 of the "100 free films in 2020" club 1 seen 99 to go.
Member No. 23 of the "100 free films in 2019" club 10 seen .
Member no. 23 of the "100 free film Club" 57 seen 2010.
Member No. 23 of the "100 free films in 2019" club 10 seen .
Member no. 23 of the "100 free film Club" 57 seen 2010.
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jojojoanne
- Se7en
- Posts: 2115
- Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:04 pm
- Old post count: 0
Re: A Joke for Today
biggins wrote:Happy Halloween
Halloween is coming!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
(You're as bad as Preston!!)
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
'Tis the season to be jolly.......and share lots of wonderful Christmas jokes! 
Here goes!
A couple were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers. Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.
She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.
The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you...?"
His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered: “Yes, I remember that jewellery shop..."
"Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next to that."
Here goes!
A couple were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers. Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.
She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.
The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you...?"
His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered: “Yes, I remember that jewellery shop..."
"Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next to that."
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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jojojoanne
- Se7en
- Posts: 2115
- Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:04 pm
- Old post count: 0
Re: A Joke for Today
andrews wrote:'Tis the season to be jolly.......and share lots of wonderful Christmas jokes!
Here goes!
A couple were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers. Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.
She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.
The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you...?"
His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered: “Yes, I remember that jewellery shop..."
"Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next to that."
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
Which cereal do healthy snowmen have for breakfast?
Frosties!
What do hungry snowmen put on their ice-burgers?
Chilly sauce!
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What did the snowman's hat say to the scarf?
You hang around while I go on ahead.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib?
A snowmobile
What do you call an old snowman?
Water
Where do Snow-women like to dance?
At Snowballs.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.
What do you call a snowman in the tropics?
Lost.
What happened when the shy snowgirl ditched her snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do cool snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers.
How do snowmen travel to the snow-field?
By icicle.
Frosties!
What do hungry snowmen put on their ice-burgers?
Chilly sauce!
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What did the snowman's hat say to the scarf?
You hang around while I go on ahead.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib?
A snowmobile
What do you call an old snowman?
Water
Where do Snow-women like to dance?
At Snowballs.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.
What do you call a snowman in the tropics?
Lost.
What happened when the shy snowgirl ditched her snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do cool snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers.
How do snowmen travel to the snow-field?
By icicle.
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
What A Boy Wants For Christmas
David remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Macy's one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll b*y it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.'
What A Girl Wants For Christmas
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
David remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Macy's one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll b*y it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.'
What A Girl Wants For Christmas
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
'Waiter - There's a Fly in My Champagne'
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman.
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman.
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"