Weight Watchers

[Moomoo111]

Andrews you are so strong willed. But I don't think you need to lose any weight. That said you have all convinced me to rejoin WW. I will do it after my visit to Cornwall next week.
"I've made a commitment"
Will let you know how I get on and as there are no codes for Birmingham that means no popcorn, coke or chocs.

[andrews]

I thought about posting this on the Joke thread, but I feel that all fellow dieters need a laugh.

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Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other things too.
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THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

[Diane65]

lol that is so funny!

[destresserai]

I'm not sure who wrote this so if the author ever sees this all credit to you!

Battle Of The Bulge

"I'll start a new one Monday", we've heard it all before,
but if I don't really start one soon I won't make it through the door.

I start with good intentions of that I can't deny,
I'm getting fatter by the hour, I'll really have to try.

So no more chips or chocolate, no more 'pigging out'
I'll be be very careful what I eat of that there'll be no doubt.

I'll watch my waist get tiny, I'll watch my figure thin,
Oh what a joy it's going to be to at last be nice and slim.

I can see me walking down the street in dress size number ten,
I just have to resist and resist I will when I get a hungry yen.

With exercise in every form and regular daily jogs,
you'll see me lazing by the pool in my top designer togs.

So come join me all you tubbies, come join with me at last,
I'll need all the help that I can get to get me through this fast.

If you see me eating lollies or sneaking greasy fries,
then smack my hand and click your tongue, remind me of my size.

I'm sure that I can make it, I just need a little space
before Monday comes around again, till then I'll "stuff my face"!

[anakin]

Nothing else except water until tomorrow morning.

Not even a cuppa?! Goodness, you really are good!

[Demerara]

It's way past my bed time here but thought I'd sneak a peek on FMUK and stumbled across this amazing thread!!!

Just a few days back my sisters showed me old pics of mine as an eye opener as to how much weight I've put on over the last 4-5 years! Reading your posts is kinda motivating and heavens knows I need some motivation!!!

[Ms Thrifty]

Just a few days back my sisters showed me old pics of mine as an eye opener as to how much weight I've put on over the last 4-5 years.

Wow, I don't think I'd dare do that! My sister is - ahem - quite large - but I never mention the subject, even obliquely, unless she does, and then I only say something neutral, unless she says something positive, such as that she's lost some weight or taken some exercise, in which case, of course, I try to encourage her.

[AnneJ]

PS AnneJ, I'm not a drinker and believe me you get used to your friends all being a bit tipsy... it's not as bad as it seems at the moment I quite like reminding people the funny things they said / did - it's had the positive effect of some of my friends drinking less...

Hopefully it will get easier, I thought it would better to give up completely than just have 1 drink, cause if I have 1 its more likely to lead to another....
Went to WW last night another 3lbs off, but still a long way to go...... but I did get a sticker for half a stone, quite motivating until I realised how many stickers I need to lose it all!!

[anakin]

Hopefully it will get easier, I thought it would better to give up completely than just have 1 drink, cause if I have 1 its more likely to lead to another....
Went to WW last night another 3lbs off, but still a long way to go...... but I did get a sticker for half a stone, quite motivating until I realised how many stickers I need to lose it all!!

It undoubtedly will get easier - it's just another habit to kick, really. You can do it!!!
Plus congrats on your 1/2 stone sticker!!! It doesn't matter how many stickers you need to lose it all... you now need one less! Hurrah! A fab post to see first thing in the morning

[Diane65]

PS AnneJ, I'm not a drinker and believe me you get used to your friends all being a bit tipsy... it's not as bad as it seems at the moment I quite like reminding people the funny things they said / did - it's had the positive effect of some of my friends drinking less...

Hopefully it will get easier, I thought it would better to give up completely than just have 1 drink, cause if I have 1 its more likely to lead to another....
Went to WW last night another 3lbs off, but still a long way to go...... but I did get a sticker for half a stone, quite motivating until I realised how many stickers I need to lose it all!!

Well done AnneJ that is brilliant 3lbs in a week is fantastic and it's half a stone closer to your target weight. Please don't have negative thoughts everyone on here is so lovely and supportive and we're all on a health kick.
I too have never drank and still have a really good time and as anakin said it is funny to remind people what they've said!